Life is easy....

Let the sun shine

View with an open mind

Absolve from corrupt blots

Embrace neutral thoughts

Ways of life get relations to heave

Maintain your calm, forget and forgive

Single life we are blessed with

Make a living, worth it.

Pappu can't bajao sala!

If you were one of those who thought that A.R Rehman had lost it in Ghajini, you should check out his music in the upcoming movie Robot. His music has just moved on to the next level of what can be called as "Noise".

Place some utensils inside a huge container made of aluminium and shake it vigorously, voila, there's the music played in Robot. Oh, I forgot to mention to add some bass to it else the music would sound a bit tacky.

To add an icing on the cake, the lyrics are utterly foolish. Some of them as I remember - " Kilimanjaro, ladki parvat ki yaro, iska roop niharo, yaro yaro, aha aha" ( mind you, its pronounced as Keeeelimanjaro), there is one more which goes something like - "mai atlantic mein dooba jaake" (ROFL). There is one Mohit Chauhan number which is pretty decent and has a typical A.R Rehman guitar strumming in it but the lyrics aint impressive at all.

Common Mr. Rehman, give us the Rang De Basanti magic back!!!

My friend Joe

My friend Joe pronounces the word shit as sit. One fine day he is disgruntled and in front of his team he utters the word. Others mutely sit down. Again he comes up with the word sit. Others have no idea what to do now.

My friend Joe and his team are on a call with an American and a critical issue is being discussed. The American gets another urgent call, so he requests my friend Joe and his team - "Please hang on guys". Joe tells the American - " You hang yourself". The team is in a quizzical mode as to what is the next thing to happen.

My friend Joe goes to a shop to buy perfumes. The salesman hands him one perfume and says - " Iska flavour bahut acha hai." He is now in a fix trying to solve the conundrum, how should he taste it?

My friend Joe comes late to the office, on asking why did he come late, he has a brilliant answer - " Aaj bus ke andar bahut traffic tha". The other guy falls short of his imagination.

My friend Joe decides to profess at a renowned institute. One day he is surrounded by a group of stundents. The students expect him to resolve their queries. The hot and humid climate makes him yell at the stundents saying " I am hot, come one by one." The students are shocked to the core.

My friend Joe is in a conference. He finds a pen on the floor. He, being a good samaritan, gets vocal and asks " Whose pen is this?" But his monotonous speech makes it sound "whose pen(is) this?". The entire conference room goes into a ghastly silence.

Miracle or a coincidence?

Things i need to carry to my office:

1) Zone gate pass

2) Bike gate pass

3) Office id

(and yes myself. :))

Though these are light weight accessories the repercussions ( except for the last one :D) of losing any one of them could be heavy. Especially, you lose the first one and your life is screwed. You will have to experience things like lodging a police complaint, paying a fine etc etc.

Episode 1- Shite !

Its that time of the day when you are in your best mood in the office. I was all set to zoom off on my bike and reach home early until the rains dampened my plans. I had to get my bike to a grinding halt on the L&T bridge to get ready for the next 30 minutes of my arduous wet journey. Donning my new wind-cheater I reached home least knowing that the start of the next day would be what I call "Screwed up part of my life".

Like any other day, I was late to the office. I hurriedly rush off to get onto my bike and it is at that moment that I realise that I do not have the set of badges(1 and 3 above). I come back home, search every alcove at my place but I do not get the set of badges. This is the time when I get a doubt that the set of badges must have popped out from my pocket on the bridge.

Epoisode 2 - The dame luck

With a whole set of anxious thoughts, I drove to the office. I go to the extent of checking for the badges at the spots where I stopped last evening (This might sound too desperate, but yes, I preferred this rather than approaching the police station ). I reached at the zone gate and called up my office for a temporary pass but my luck had yet another plot installed in for me. I get to know from the receptionist that I would need to wait for a couple of hours at the zone entrance as the gate passes were not ready due to some printing problem. She did give me a solution of entering the zone as the checking is not done very often but she didnt forget to add a big disclaimer saying " Come at your own risk because if you are caught you would have to shell out 1000 bucks".

Well, to my surprise there was no checking done at the gate but to my dismay i was caught near my office with the zone guard asking me for an id card. With all the confidence oozing out of me ( i knew if i didnt ooze the confidence i would have to snooze behind bars :)) , I showed him the bike pass and sneaked in.

The next few moments were absolute miracle. I approached the security guard at my office gate for a temporary office card. There was a man arguing with the office guard. He sees me and asks my name. He then hands me the set of badges that I had lost on the bridge the previous evening and walks away.

Who was he? How did he get my badges? How on earth was he there at the same time when i entered the office? Am I blessed :D ?

I feel

I feel suffocated

When my thoughts are asphyxiated.

I feel low

Circumstances make me bow.

I feel weak

When things get out of control and tend to leak.

I feel the bruise

The agony within, cuts loose.

I feel the pain

When the efforts to make things better, go in vain.

I feel no more to feel

Get intoxicated and keel.

Rendezvous

The girl says -

At 3 pm in the hot noon,

I wait for dusk to dawn soon

With my eyes waiting for little rest,

Inviting sleep to be its guest

Staring at the monitor can be a pain,

Small little pupils, they can feel the strain,

As rapidly as my eyelids keep batting,

‘Yawwwwwwwn’ goes my mouth as I keep chatting!

Guess its time for me to have a break,

To get my eyeballs all awake,

A spurt of H2O, should do the trick

As a cuppa chai I go and drink!

The boy says -

Thinking of this crappy shit

Feels like I need to quit

The work gets worse day by day

Feels like I should stand away

I think of the future that looms

Sitting here in the ac rooms

Hope they might not be a painful den

But full of glory, amen!

Amidst all these thoughts that are rotten

I think about you which takes me to a safer haven

I need you throughout my life to stay by my side

With this I promise we would have a successful future survived.

CID

Statutory warning:

1. The below shayaris are not a creation of ctrl C + ctrl V.
2. These shayaris can cause mild headaches, dizziness, tachycardia or nausea. In some cases it may also go to causing extremes like dementia. So the readers are requested to read them at their own risk.

I have been quite impressed these days by the serial called CID. The CID shayaris too, which are in circulation in the sms world, are truly admirable! I thought of dedicating a few originals to this legendary serial in which each and every actor would automatically get nominated for the category " Overacting ki chatti paidaish!".

1. Arz kiya hai.....

Aaloo lelo, kanda lelo.......

Zaara gaur se suniyega

Aaloo lelo kanda lelo.......

Daya ek kaam karo iske finger prints lelo!!!

wah wah wah wah.....

2. Paro ne devdas se kaha kyon, de rahe ho ye saza ............

Hai allah...zara dard pe gaur keejiyega....

Paro ne devdas se kaha, kyon de rahe ho ye saza.......

Acp pradumnn ne daya se kaha, tod de ye darwaza

3. Shewag ko aya maa ka phone

shewag ko aya maa ka phone

Maloom hai aapko acp praduman kaun?

4. Chakke ne chakke ko chakka kaha

Chakke ne chakke ko chakka kaha

Abhijineet ne daya ko lash dhoondne ko kaha

Now the last one is purely a work of ctrl c + ctrl v. I really could not resist publishing this awesome piece of work by some genius.

IPL ke matches ko dekh ke logonko mazaa aa raha hai

wah wah wah wah

IPL ke matches ko dekh ke logonko mazaa aa raha hai

Barah saal se daya ek hi Qualis chala raha hai.

Vishesh Tippani: The author would be pleased if you could chip in a few originals in the comments section!

Jai matadi, lets rock! CID rockzzz! Himessss rockzzz!

Another one bites the dust

Renovation ...... argghhhhhhhh!

Note: I read this blog later and I felt it to be boring. So read it at your own risk.

I step a lil here, i step a lil there, i see the plaster, all scattered, lying everywhere. Thats the plight of my home sweet home. I feel renovations are a real pain in the ass. And if the workers aren't skilled, trust me, the pain can travel quite a distance.

One main rule you need to follow during a renovation is, never ever enter the room unless its completely done. On day 2, i entered the bedroom. Though the room was half way through refurbishing, i thought that the workers had done a pretty good job of cleaning the room. I was a tad wrong on that one. When i switched on the fan, the initial realisation i had was that of a prince from some movie in the 1970's being welcomed by rose petals. The difference in here was that the workers carrying the renovation had a surprise installed for me. I had been sprayed by shards of plaster and left over cement which had been deposited on the ceiling fan. By the time i switched off the fan i was completely covered with debris. To make matters worse i had just come out from my bath and had to take one again to get rid of the sooted attire.

The misery of the renovation continues. My 2 guitars have been desolated. My cpu has been coated with a neat layer of cement (they have taken some extra care in doing this). I have my fridge accompanying me in my bedroom while i am writing this piece of blog. Yearning for the day when all this mess ends!

Finally found what I was looking for

Statutory warning: This might be boring because its a pretty long one. Read it at your own risk.

My mom asks me - when should I start searching a girl for you?.

Me - Karo chalu (Thought this process would take atleast a year considering the dame luck that has never been with me in such matters)

Couple of days later I get to see couple of pics. Mom - Chalegi? Me - U r kidding me right???

A day later I am in my office and a pic is mailed again on my id. I surreptitiously try to open it (thinking someone would watch and ask whose this) and I get a shock of my life. I call my mom and plead her not to see any girl for me. By this time I was pretty sure I cannot get a cute girl even in an arranged marriage. Hell breaks loose knowing the fact that in 27 years I could not fall in love with a girl and now even the arranged marriage is giving me nightmares.

A day later I get one more pic. This time, i see the pic, say to myself - cute!!!! By this time my parents have already arranged for our first official meet.

Saturday evening at girl's building parking lot: I asked my papa a really weird question - Do we need to go upstairs? Y can't we go back home. By now I was really feeling embarrassed by the very thought that I am going to see the girl.Trust me its a funny feeling to directly dip into this side of the world from the side of the world wherein you are constantly in thoughts like - who will alex ferguson buy in the next transfer window or will manutd win tonight or i need to ante my level up, by running 15 mins today in the gym. (For tat matter, once the girl asks me on chat, wot are ur plans. My reply - will get up early in the morning and hit the gym. Poor girl must have gone stark crazy. She was asking me about my long term plans and I was enlightening her with my next morning plans.)

Inital reaction when i saw her - cute mannerisms, cute way of talking, smart hai boss!!!(Ami, padhke jyada udd mat :) ). 5 hours later, my parents to me - so what have you decided. We toh loved her...... I seriously could not understand, how can I decide in just a single meet if I have met the girl of my life. I sheepishly asked the girl, in one of the chats, for some more time and loved her reply - "Tu tension kaiko leta, lete hai na aur time".

The following week was a nightmare for me. I really liked the girl but did not know, if it was her in my mind.(Dunno but was a daft idiot to have created some image in my mind and was trying to match her with tat image.) A couple more meets and a few more talks were enough for me to decide that this dainty damsel is the one I was looking for. That image I had in my mind got pulverized by this girl's persona, chutzpah and the charismatic nature she has!

I consider myself to be a lucky ass to find my girl in just 2 weeks and can now say:

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

I have finally found what I was looking for!

NOTE: Special thanks to:

G aka Thorpedo, diving into the abyss of my troubles and bailing me out of them, slapping my crappy thoughts off me! Trust me, this has always made a difference in my life.

Bugs aka nautanki, for being my confidante, for giving me some really good advices.

Pinaac aka the sailor , for giving me some awesome one liners. I used them to buy some time, from my parents,f or taking the decision, ;).The one liner - I have to be selfish atleast once in my life - was rocking man!lol ...My parents were flabbergasted as to from where did I come up with all these one liners in such a short span.

Kedar aka rocky balboa,for listening to my crappy thoughts and coming up with good suggestions even during the gym workouts.

CAN____________NOT

I can hope for an end of all misery
I can NOT end the misery.

I can hope to fill all the emptiness in this world
I can NOT fill all the emptiness.

I can hope to play the secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord
I can NOT play the secret chord.

I can hope to fall in love
I can NOT fall in love.

I can hope to find what I have been looking for
I can NOT find what I have been looking for.

I can hope to be in a place where the river winds would move my feet
I can NOT find such a place.

I can hope to find the hallelujah
I can NOT find the hallelujah.

I can hope to put an end to the NOT in the CAN!
I can.